"How Does It Feel to Be a Problem?": A Poetic Autoethnography on Enduring Racism and Ableism in Forbes Residential College at Princeton University and Princeton House Women’s Program

Abstract

In his 1903 text entitled The Souls of Black Folk, W.E.B. DuBois is asked, “How does it feel to be a problem?,” by a nondescript white person, to which “[he answers] seldom a word” in relation to his Black, male identity. I, similarly, have asked myself how it feels to be a problem during my four years at Princeton. I have endured my fair share of racism and ableism from my freshman year roommate, my Academic Dean, my Assistant Dean of Student Life, and a male member of my Zee Group (who I nickname my “monster”) at Forbes College. Whether it was pushing me to take a leave of absence or to compromise my values to accommodate white privilege and recklessness. It’s due to these series of events that I attempted suicide two times my sophomore year, which ultimately led to a ten-day hospitalization at Princeton House Behavioral Health and an eight-week partial hospitalization/intensive outpatient experience at Princeton House Women's Program. All while being a full time student. Using a combination of poetry from my Creative Writing Thesis of the same name and the anthropological method of autoethnography, my argument is twofold. My main argument is that in recounting my predominantly traumatic college experience, I made the most of my time here by confronting my internalized ableism. The secondary, obvious argument is that Forbes needs to be held accountable for its mistreatment towards Disabled students. Forbes relishes marketing itself as a small, tight-knit family, yet the Academic Dean’s and Assistant Dean of Student Life’s insistence on pushing Disabled students to take a leave of absence perpetuates the idea that Disabled students have no chance of succeeding at Princeton.